


Much more

by bunnysworld



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-14
Updated: 2013-09-22
Packaged: 2017-12-26 13:03:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 5,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/966235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunnysworld/pseuds/bunnysworld
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur is in an unhealthy relationship. Will Merlin be able to get him out of there?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Tagged the 'graphic violence' since I wanted to warn for the violence. It's not too graphic, though. 
> 
> This was written for tambear, who gave me the prompt and wanted Arthur to be the one in the unhealthy relationship. She did the beta for this, too. :) All the mistakes still in there are entirely mine and...up for adoption *grins*
> 
> And since I seem to forget it all the time: The boys aren't mine, they belong to their respective owners, no copyright infringement intended, no money being made. Which counts for all my fics.

Another Friday night at the pub. The usual crowd was there. Leon and Morgana, Percy and Freya, Gwaine, Morgause, Elyan, Merlin and of course Arthur. Arthur was just telling a story about a really dumb client when his mobile beeped. With a quick glance he checked the message and pocketed the device with a smile. 

“Gotta go.” He got up, grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair, waved and left.

“Hey,” Freya complained, “he didn’t even finish his story!” Percy pulled her close and put a smooch on her temple.

“Or his beer,” Gwaine pointed out, but the smile on his face didn’t reach his eyes.

Merlin sighed as he looked after Arthur. It was the same scenario each and every weekend. Actually, whenever they met up with their friends. They were out, having fun and then Arthur got a call or a text from Valiant that made him drop everything and leave. 

Taking a large gulp of his beer, Merlin got up. He needed to...what exactly? Go after Arthur? Shake some sense into him? Make him see that Valiant was no good for him? Make him see that he was worth much more? No, he couldn’t do that to his best friend. So he just went to the loos and splashed some cold water into his face at the sink to calm down. 

He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up. 

“If someone can talk some sense into him, it’s you.” Leon leaned against the wall and crossed his arms in front of his chest. 

Merlin turned tired eyes at him. “I wouldn’t know how. You should hear him talk about him at home. Like Valiant’s the best thing since...the invention of the wheel. He doesn’t even see that he’s just...”

“...a fuck-toy.” Leon nodded.

Flinching at that, Merlin sighed. Drastic, yes, but absolutely true. 

“Come on, I’ll buy you a drink.” 

When they sat at the bar, whiskey in hand, they didn’t speak for a long time. 

“You need to tell him, Merlin.”

“There’s no use talking to him. Valiant is the best, the biggest, the sexiest. There is no one in the whole world better than him. Even though he only calls him when he needs it.” Merlin laughed bitterly. 

“There is someone who is so much better.” Leon leaned against the bar. “And you know that.”

Merlin shook his head. “What I want is not important.”

“Yes, Merlin. It is.”

They finished their drinks in silence and then Merlin took his stuff and left. 

 

When he entered the apartment he shared with Arthur since they finished school, Merlin changed into some old sweatpants and curled up on the couch, his mobile on the coffee table before him. Wouldn’t be the first time that Arthur called in the middle of the night and needed his help.

Merlin didn’t really pay attention to what was on TV, just switched channels aimlessly when he finally heard the key turn in the front door. 

“Oh, hey, you’re still up?” Arthur came in, his hair all over the place, his clothes rumpled, his cheeks flushed. 

Merlin nodded. “Want a tea? I feel like having a tea now, don’t you?”

“Let me take a shower first.” Arthur kicked his shoes off and shrugged his jacket off his shoulders at the same time. 

Getting up from the couch, Merlin looked after Arthur and didn’t miss the slight limp. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, to not yell out in frustration. If he were with Arthur, he’d always take care of him. Stuff like that wouldn’t happen. He’d make love to Arthur, even hard as Arthur seemed to like it. But he would never ever hurt him like that. Never. 

So he went to his room and fetched a special salve that soothed pain and helped the healing process, opened the door to the bathroom just enough to be able to put the tube on the sink and pulled the door behind him shut before he went to the kitchen to set up the kettle. 

Merlin just filled two cups and poured just the right amount of milk in as Arthur appeared in the doorway in soft grey sweatpants and a t-shirt that hugged his chest and left nothing to the imagination. 

“Just as I like it, thanks Merlin.” Arthur took a cup and carried it over to the couch where he carefully sat down before he sipped the tea. “Mmmmmmm, just right.”

Merlin followed slowly and sat down in the arm chair. He checked the clock on the wall. 2.30 am. “You’re back already.” Probably not the best conversation opener he’d ever used.

“Yeah, Val has an early flight to catch. So I went home.”

Nearly snorting up his tea through his nose, Merlin frowned. Went home, my arse. More like he kicked you out again. “When will he be back?”

Arthur shrugged. “Don’t know. He’ll call as soon as his plane lands.”

“As soon as he needs a good fuck again,” Merlin mumbled into his tea cup.

“What was that?” Arthur looked at him.

“I said,” Merlin cleared his throat, “he’ll call you again as soon as he needs a fuck.”

Arthur opened his mouth, but Merlin cut him off. “It’s always like that. He calls, you run. He’s done, you have to leave. You never stay for the night, you never return in the morning.” Merlin jumped up and started to pace. “He doesn’t even have the decency to bring you home. He doesn’t even have the decency to fucking let you take a shower there!” By now, Merlin was full out yelling. 

“What’s your problem?” Arthur just stared at him. 

“My problem, Arthur, is that he’s not good for you. He uses you!”

“That’s not true, he loves me!” 

Any other time, Merlin would have laughed at the pout on Arthur’s face, but this wasn’t funny. “If he loved you, he wouldn’t send you home after he’s hurt you.”

Arthur chewed his lower lip. “He didn’t hurt me. And if he did, it’s none of your business, Merlin!” He got up carefully and made his way to his bedroom where he slammed the door shut.

Merlin slumped into the arm chair and buried his face in his hands. He’d gone about it all completely wrong. Instead of talking softly, trying to make Arthur see reason, he’d yelled and thrown out accusations. He was such an idiot.


	2. Chapter 2

A week later, Merlin was woken up by his mobile. He blinked at his alarm clock. 3.40 am. Way too fucking early for a call. “Yeah?”

“Merlin? Merlin, you have to pick me up.”

“Take a cab.” Merlin didn’t need to ask who that was. Of course it could only be Arthur. 

“Merlin...at this time of night, they want to see cash in advance. I...”

“You spent it all. Where are you?”

Merlin was out of bed now and scribbled the address on a little notepad. He scrambled into his clothes, grabbed his keys and left. 

Arthur was waiting at the corner he’d given Merlin, his jacket pulled tightly around him, stepping from one foot to the other in an attempt to get warm. He opened the door and slid into the passenger’s seat. “Merlin, I...”

“I don’t want to hear it.” Merlin was angry. And he had no intention of keeping that to himself. If it hadn’t been so cold that night, he’d make Arthur walk home. That might have given him time to think about everything. 

“But...hey, thanks for doing this. You’re a real friend.” Arthur turned the heating towards him and sighed as the warm stream of air hit him. “It’s fucking cold tonight.”

Merlin said nothing. Everything he could have said would just have been a replay of the fight they had the week before. 

As they entered their place, Merlin just tossed his jacket over the back of the couch. Before he reached his bedroom, he turned “Need the salve again?”

“Err..” Arthur at least had the decency to blush. “No, we didn’t...I mean...we were just out. Nothing more. But thanks.”

“Oh, he was done with you after you’d spent all your cash on him tonight. Interesting.” With that, Merlin turned and closed the door behind him. He knew it was a mean thing to say, but it was the truth. Since he knew him, Arthur was rather immune to subtle hints. For him to notice things it needed a headline in bold letters or probably flashing neon lights. 

Even though he was cold and tired, Merlin sat on the floor, his back against the door, his head leaned back against it, still there an hour after they came back. Tears were rolling down his face. How could he make Arthur see? How could he make him realise that Valiant just used him? That he was no more than a pretty face and a willing hole for him? That he was tossed aside like a used hanky as soon as Valiant had come and rolled over to sleep? How could he make him see that he loved him? 

It was only in moments like these that Merlin allowed himself the thought. He’d had a crush on Arthur from the first day they met at school. They shared a room for years. And the more Merlin saw behind the facade Arthur had built around himself, the more he fell for him. What the world saw was a self-satisfied spoiled prat. Merlin got to see the gentle caring person that was hidden inside. That was the person Merlin loved. And it ripped him apart that Arthur let himself be used by a bloke who didn’t give a damn about him.


	3. Chapter 3

“Merlin?” Arthur stood in the door to Merlin’s bedroom, towelling his hair. “Could I...could I borrow that salve again?”

It was about two weeks after Merlin had to pick Arthur up at the far end of the city. “Again? Does that stupid idiot even know how to do it right?” Merlin reached for the tube and turned to push it into Arthur’s hand when his breath caught. Arthur wasn’t wearing a shirt and even in the dim light of the corridor, the bruises on his chest were clearly visible. 

“Arthur...”

Arthur flinched. “Oh, that? You know...sometimes I like it rough.” 

“There’s a difference between rough and violent!” Merlin clenched his teeth. “Come on, let me take a look at it.”

“Nah, it’s nothing. I’ll just use a bit of your wonder salve and it’ll be gone in no time.” 

“Arthur!” Merlin yelled after him.

“It’s nothing, Merlin. Believe me.” The door of Arthur’s bedroom shut behind him.

 

“You haven’t said a word all night.” Leon looked at Merlin after Arthur had once again dashed out after a call from Valiant. “Whiskey time at the bar.” He grabbed Merlin by the shoulder and dragged him over to the bar where he ordered the drinks for them.

Merlin sighed and threw Leon a look. 

“Come on, tell me. We need to find a way to get him out of this.”

Slowly, Merlin recounted the events of the past weeks, first only telling about the actual events and in the end, he’d told Leon about the bruises he’d seen, too.

Leon took a large gulp of his drink. “Are you sure, Merlin?”

“Yeah. This wasn’t just from...you know, rough sex. Marks and bruises happen. But that? Damn, Leon, he lets this arsehole beat him up, I’m sure!” 

Gesturing for more drinks, Leon ran a hand through his hair. “This is worse than I thought. Should I try to talk to him?”

“No! No, he’ll know that I told you. I’ll...I don’t know what to do. Being there for him is probably the only thing I can do.” Merlin downed the second drink. 

“Call me if it gets even worse.”

Merlin nodded. “Will do. I’ll go home now, in case he...”

“Yeah, do that. Keep me updated.”


	4. Chapter 4

Merlin wandered through the city, his mobile clutched in his hand. He needed to get his head clear to make a plan. Their friends were as concerned as he was. They needed to intervene. But how could they make Arthur see what was going wrong? 

When his head felt totally empty and his feet ached, he made his way back to the apartment. 

Arthur hadn’t called yet. So probably Valiant let him stay for the night and things weren’t as bad as Merlin feared?

Merlin tossed his keys on the counter and switched the lamp next to the TV on. He startled when he found Arthur sitting on the couch. 

“Give me a heart attack, will you! What are you doing here sitting in the dark?” He stopped his rant at what he saw. 

Arthur just sat at the far end of the couch, staring ahead of him.

“What happened, Arthur?” Merlin carefully approached him.

When he didn’t get an answer, Merlin sat on his haunches in front of Arthur and gasped when he got a closer look. There was a cut on Arthur’s cheekbone and his eye was swollen. His jaw showed an angry bruise, too. 

“That fucking damn arsehole!” Merlin jumped up, got the first aid kit from the bathroom and a damp cloth. He felt like hitting something, someone, preferably Valiant, but taking care of Arthur was more important now. 

So he cleaned Arthur’s face, wiped the blood away and put a huge plaster on the cut. Then he dabbed some slave on the bruise on the jaw and got a cool-pack from the fridge. “Hold that to your eye.”

He was just about to put the stuff away, when a thought occurred to him. “Where else did he hurt you?” 

Arthur hadn’t said a word, hadn’t even flinched when Merlin treated his face and didn’t react now. 

“Arthur,” Merlin pleaded. He had to make sure Arthur was alright. Well, he wasn’t alright, that much was obvious. So he started to tug Arthur’s shirt up, expecting some struggle. But Arthur just let him pull the shirt away. There were bruises on his chest, but they were in various stages of healing, nothing fresh. 

Merlin sat on the couch next to him, one leg under himself, facing Arthur. “Arthur, mate, tell me, did he....are you...do you need the salve again?” 

Arthur shook his head, a very small gesture and Merlin reached out and gently pulled Arthur against him, just holding him. He still was very angry. But that wasn’t what Arthur needed right now. 

When he noticed that Arthur shivered, he nuzzled into his hair. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.” 

Without a word, Arthur let Merlin pull him up from the couch and manoeuvre him over to his bedroom. He didn’t protest when Merlin found a sweatshirt and put it on him and didn’t even struggle when Merlin opened his jeans and made him step into his sweatpants. 

Holding up the covers, Merlin gestured. “Get in.”

Arthur obeyed and then looked at Merlin for the first time. 

“I’ll just make you some tea, okay? I’ll be right back.” Merlin intended to call Leon while making the tea. He had to tell someone, had to channel his rage and he couldn’t let it out on Arthur. 

But he’d seen that look before. Arthur had looked at him like that when he’d had appendicitis and firmly believed he’d die from it, he had looked at him like that when his first boyfriend dumped him, he had looked at him like that when his father had died. The look said what Arthur couldn’t say: Don’t leave me alone. 

So Merlin kicked his shoes off, climbed onto the bed and wrapped his arms around Arthur. He felt Arthur relax a bit as he leaned his head against Merlin’s shoulder and after a while, he heard Arthur breathing evenly. But sleep wouldn’t come to Merlin, there was too much on his mind.


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning, Merlin carefully slid out of Arthur’s bed, yawning on his way to the kitchen. He’d only gotten an hour or two of sleep. As quietly as possible, he made coffee, some toast and eggs, put it on a tray and carried it over to Arthur’s room.

He set the tray down on the nightstand and knelt in front of the bed, just looking at Arthur, who just then blinked and looked at him groggily with his good eye. The right one was so swollen that he couldn’t even open it.

“Coffee?” Merlin went for his best cheery voice.

Arthur just looked for long moments and then nodded. He scrambled up and didn’t protest when Merlin handed him the coffee mug. 

Merlin watched him carefully blowing across the steaming liquid and sat on the edge of the bed. He knew it wouldn’t make much sense to try to make Arthur speak about the events of last night. 

“Thanks.”

Merlin startled when Arthur finally said something. “Any time, mate, any time.” What for? The coffee? Patching him up last night? Staying with him? “Let me take a look at your face again. You need a new plaster.”

Arthur didn’t object. 

When Merlin put the stuff back into the bathroom and came back, he heard Arthur sniffle. He’d hardly ever seen Arthur cry. And when, the tears just rolled down his face, a pained look on his face. Slowly, he made his way back in, unsure if Arthur would want him there. 

But again, he didn’t meet any resistance when he sat down on the bed and pulled Arthur into his arms.

“He....he...,” Arthur was struggling for words.

Even though he was eager to find out what had happened, Merlin just made little encouraging sounds.

“There was another bloke. Merlin, he was fucking another bloke!” 

Under other circumstances Merlin would have laughed at the disbelieving tone in Arthur’s voice. 

“He...he called me to...he wanted....he wanted me to watch,” Arthur whispered and sniffed again. 

Merlin rubbed soothing circles on Arthur’s back. As bad as this was, as hard it was watching Arthur falling apart like that, maybe this was exactly what had to happen for him to see that Valiant was only using him. 

“I...it was my fault. I got so angry and then...I...I tried to hit him. I’m so stupid. Of course he defended himself!”

Merlin groaned. “It was NOT your fault! He’s an idiot. He didn’t defend himself. He hit you.”

Arthur just stared at him and then shook his head. “He had to defend himself. I tried to hit him.” He reached for his mobile. “I have to apologise.” 

Snatching it out of Arthur’s hand, Merlin tried hard not to shake. He was so angry. At Valiant for doing that to Arthur and at Arthur for believing the shit he was saying!

He took a deep breath to calm himself down. “You can text him later. It’s early, he might still be asleep. Eat something and then try to get more sleep.”

 

A few days later, Arthur left his room for the first time for more than going to the bathroom. He appeared in the kitchen as Merlin was making dinner and just took a knife and helped chopping some peppers. 

“Maybe I should call him...”

Merlin slammed his knife down. “No! No, Arthur! What more does it take? Does he have to kill you next time before you notice that he’s just using you?”

Arthur shook his head. “It’s not like that.”

Uncle Gaius would have been proud of the raised eyebrow Merlin made. “Then tell me how you think it is.”

Closing his eyes, Arthur leaned against the counter. “He can be so sweet and gentle. And generous. Loving. Tender. He...,” he shook his head and looked at Merlin, “I made him angry, I have to apologise. Give me my mobile, Merlin.”

“Arthur! He didn’t even call or text. He doesn’t give a shit. He’s played you.” Nonetheless, Merlin gave the mobile back. “Check for yourself.” 

Merlin watched closely as Arthur checked his texts and noticed how Arthur’s shoulders fell even more. 

“Leon and Gwaine will be over for dinner. Why don’t you go change into something other than sweatpants?”

The blokes knew what had happened but they didn’t mention it and other than casting Arthur looks when they thought he wouldn’t notice, they didn’t press the matter. 

When they decked out the cards for some poker after dinner, Merlin was happy to see the first genuine smile on Arthur’s face for what felt like ages when Gwaine lost round after round and made a big deal out of it.


	6. Chapter 6

One night, they sat in silence, watching some old movie. Merlin knew Arthur still wasn’t okay after all these weeks, but he was getting better. After some more fights about whose fault it was and Arthur finally calling Valiant only to be ignored, he slowly seemed to come to terms with the situation.

“I can’t believe I’m so dumb.” Arthur said into the silence. 

“Huh?” Merlin had been so concentrated on the movie that he didn’t really hear Arthur.

“I said I can’t believe I’m dumb enough to let anyone do this to me.”

Finally. Finally he saw that it wasn’t his mistake! “Good!”

“Good that I’m dumb? Seems so.” 

“No! Nonono. Good that you finally see that he did that to you. That it wasn’t you.” Merlin turned to look at Arthur. 

“I can’t believe it. Me...being treated like that...and I didn’t...I even...” Arthur drew a deep breath and buried his face in his hands. 

Merlin reached over and rubbed his shoulder. “You were in love.”

“That’s no excuse.” Arthur shook his head.

Scooting close, Merlin put his arm around Arthur’s shoulder. “We all do stupid things when we’re in love.” Like...sticking to your best friend who didn’t return your feelings. 

“Then I’ll just never fall in love again.” Arthur turned his head and gave him a wry smile. 

Merlin pulled him close and nuzzled into his hair, closing his eyes to keep the tears that were forming from falling. He’d never be able to tell Arthur how he felt.


	7. Chapter 7

The weeks went by and Arthur turned back more and more into his old self. They had long talks, usually late at night, and slowly Arthur came to terms with the fact that he’d just been used. He was still hurt and very angry that he let someone do that to him. But no matter how much Merlin tried to make him see that it wasn’t his fault and that it could happen to anyone to fall for the wrong person, Arthur blamed himself and insisted, he’d never follow his heart again. 

 

With the help of the others, Merlin managed to drag Arthur out for a beer one Friday night. Merlin kept a close eye on Arthur, trying to see the slightest change in his behaviour. If Arthur started to feel uncomfortable in the crowd, Merlin would take him out of there immediately. But it seemed as if nothing had happened and Arthur had a good time. 

Merlin was in a conversation with Freya when Arthur excused himself and he didn’t really pay attention. Some time passed and when Arthur didn’t come back, Merlin scanned the place. Ah, there he was, his blond hair clearly visible across the room. Arthur was standing at the bar, talking to someone...someone who looked a lot like... Valiant!

Merlin shot up, nearly knocking his chair over and made his way to the bar. This couldn’t be happening! For weeks, Valiant hadn’t been seen at the pub. And the only night he showed up was the night they took Arthur there. Just as Valiant leaned in and whispered something into Arthur’s ear, Merlin stormed over. 

“Keep your hands off of him!”

There was a little surprised look on Valiant’s face that turned into an ugly grin. “Says who?”

“Says me! You’ve done enough damage. Leave him alone!”

The other man threw Arthur a look. “You never told me you had a watch...puppy now. Let’s get out of here.”

Merlin never saw that Arthur was shaking his head when he stepped between Valiant and his best friend. “I said LEAVE HIM ALONE!”

When Valiant just laughed and tried to brush him off, Merlin saw red. He pushed at Valiant’s chest. “You’re nothing but a user. I won’t have any of that any more! You’ve hurt the man I love for the last time!”

The next thing Merlin noticed was a huge fist connecting with his lower jaw and everything went black.


	8. Chapter 8

When he came to, Merlin looked up into Leon’s concerned eyes. “Merlin? Merlin?”

He sat up, the world spinning around him just a little bit. “I’m fine, Leon, let me.”

Ice cubes wrapped in a dish towel appeared from somewhere and Merlin hissed when the cold was pressed against his face. Strong arms lifted him up and he took a step on uncertain feet. “Where’s Arthur?”

Leon pointed to the other side where Elyan and Morgana held Arthur back, who had a bit of a shell-shocked look on his face. 

“Valiant?”

“Percy and Gwaine took care of him.” Leon didn’t mention how, but that didn’t matter to Merlin now. “Why on earth didn’t you wait for us as back-up?”

Merlin didn’t have an answer to that. He’d seen Valiant standing there and all he could think of was getting him away from Arthur as quickly as possible. 

“Let’s get you home.” 

“Arthur?”

“Right behind in Morgana’s car.” Leon put an arm around Merlin’s shoulder and steered him to the exit where Percy was already waiting. 

 

The pounding in Merlin’s head was loud enough to drown out the noise of all their friends being in their place. First, Percy and Leon had taken him there, gotten him out of his shoes and made sure he was comfy on the couch with a cool cloth on his bruised jaw and a bottle of Aspirin nearby. Then Morgana, Freya and Elyan had showed up with Arthur. 

After much fussing they’d finally left and Merlin enjoyed the silence. He didn’t know where Arthur had gone, so after a while he opened his eyes to find him sitting in the arm chair across from him. Good, Arthur was home. 

Next time Merlin looked, he found Arthur sitting on the coffee table, an odd look on his face.

“Hi.” He tried a smile, but his whole face hurt.

Arthur said nothing.

“Are you okay?”

A hoarse laugh was the answer he got. “You’re taking a punch and ask _me_ how I am?”

Merlin grinned. “Yeah. That’s me. Good old Merlin who always takes care of others first. Wasn’t that what Freya called me the other day?”

Arthur’s face stayed serious. “How long, Merlin?”

While his hurting brain tried to make sense of that question, Merlin pressed the cold cloth against his forehead. “How long what?”

There was another little silence before Arthur spoke up again. “How long have you been in love with me?” 

With a frown, Merlin tried to sit up. “Who says I’m...”

“You did. Before you shoved Val. You said ‘you’ve hurt the man I love for the last time’.” Arthur looked at him intently. 

“I...I didn’t say that. It was loud there...you must’ve...misheard or something.” Merlin felt the blush hot on his cheeks. Had he really blurted it out like that? 

“I know what I heard, Merlin.”

Merlin closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He couldn’t tell Arthur. Not now, not ever. The situation just never was right and now was probably the worst of all situations. “I don’t remember what I said.”

“So it’s true.” There was a hint of wonder in Arthur’s voice. 

Sliding down again, turning to face the back of the couch, Merlin murmured “Doesn’t make a difference, does it?”

Arthur didn’t move, but he didn’t say anything either.


	9. Chapter 9

Merlin tried to get some sleep and after a couple of hours on the couch, he made his way to his room and got into bed. Each time he woke up, there was fresh tea on his nightstand and a new cool cloth waiting. 

When he finally couldn’t sleep any more and the headache was reduced to a pounding in his jaw, Merlin went to take a shower. He made his way to the living room, carefully towelling his hair. 

“Merlin?” Arthur came from the kitchen, a plate with sandwiches in hand. “You’re up. How are you?”

“I think you know what this feels like.” Merlin sat down in the spot he’d found Arthur that night.

“I...listen, Merlin, I’m sorry. For what happened. You needn’t have rescued me, I already told him off. But thanks. Nobody has ever done anything like that for me.” In a helpless gesture, Arthur held the plate out to Merlin.

Merlin shook his head at the offered sandwiches. 

“Let me get you a tea. Or would you rather have a coke?”

“Arthur,” Merlin looked up at him. “Stop running. Let’s talk and get this over with before it destroys our friendship completely.”

Sitting down, Arthur shook his head. “I didn’t mean to destroy it. It’s the most important thing in my life and...,” he sat down next to Merlin, “you were always there for me. And I...I’m just a bad friend.”

“I destroyed it, Arthur.” Merlin closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I shouldn’t have allowed these feelings.”

“A very wise man once told me that we can’t chose who we fall in love with and that we do stupid things when we’re in love.” Arthur leaned over and brushed his lips against Merlin’s.

Jerking back, Merlin shook his head. “No, Arthur! Don’t do that. Not because you think you have to do it. As some kind of thanks or something.” 

“Merlin! Do you really think I would do that to you? Knowing how you feel?”

Sighing, Merlin leaned his head back against the couch. “No, you wouldn’t,” he whispered. “This is all too weird, too screwed up. I’m sorry for saying it.”

“Don’t be. Never be sorry for letting me know.” Arthur was still very close and leaned his forehead on Merlin’s shoulder. “I’m just a dense clotpole, ain’t I?” He pulled back. “I could have known for years, couldn’t I? If only I looked a bit closer.”

At least Arthur didn’t mind being close to him. Merlin closed his eyes and swallowed around the lump in his throat. Why hide it, now that he’d blurted it out? It didn’t make sense. It was too easy to blame it on Arthur now for not noticing sooner. But he’d worked hard on not letting him know, so it wasn’t Arthur’s fault. The thoughts whirled in Merlin’s mind. But the question that made it to the foreground was what this would lead to? 

“I don’t want to lose you, Arthur. And I hope you still can be my friend.”

“I don’t want to be your friend.”

Ouch, that stung. So that was it. Finally, he had his answer. Merlin didn’t even try to hold back the tears that formed in his eyes. 

“Hey, cut that out and listen. I will only say this once. I don’t want to be your friend any more. It’s my fault that I was too blind to notice before. It was always you, Merlin. You know that I had a crush on you when we first met at school? And I never really got over that. I just didn’t see that you...so I went out with others. But you were always there for me. And I took you for granted. When he hit you after you said that you loved me...I...Merlin, I’d have strangled him if Percy didn’t step in. Took me long enough to realise, but....” Arthur jumped up and paced. 

Merlin just looked at him, trying to digest what he just heard. What was Arthur trying to tell him? That he had a crush on him in school? All those years back? That he tried to hurt Valiant after he’d hit him unconscious? That....

“Merls,” Arthur stopped in front of him, “I know you deserve someone much better than me, but...” He sat down next to Merlin again. “If you’re still willing to give it a try...?” 

The blue eyes that looked at him expectantly totally threw Merlin. “You’re saying...?”

“..that in some corner of my heart, I’ve always loved you. I only just realised that now, if that makes sense. I’m sorry. I hope you’ll forgive me.” 

He came closer again, an unspoken question in his eyes. 

Merlin knew he’d need some time to really believe that this was happening, but he leaned in, laughing a nervous little laugh before their lips touched again. When he felt the soft skin on his, he knew there was nothing to forgive, nothing to be sorry about but the wasted years. He knew they’d have to work on this, but he was more than willing to put in the extra effort.

When Arthur deepened the kiss, Merlin drew in a sharp breath. Fuck, his jaw hurt. 

Arthur pulled back. “Sorry,” he whispered and kissed the bruise tenderly. “Guess we’ll have to wait for this to be healed?” He pulled Merlin close. “Snuggling for starters?”

Merlin smiled widely and nodded.


End file.
